Author: Mark Malinowski

After an amazing 17 inning game yesterday, the Orioles are able to boast the best record in the majors, and is the only team still in single digits in the loss column.  It was a wild ride yesterday, with the winning pitcher (Chris Davis) being a 1st baseman.  It was the first time since 1925 that both teams put position players on the mound because they ran out of pitchers.  In that game, Ty Cobb ended up pitching for the Detroit Tigers and Gene Sissler  pitched for the St. Louis Browns. the last time an American League position player pitched and became winning pitcher was in 1968, with Rocky Colavito pitching for my mighty Detroit Tigers.

The Orioles are off to their best start in years, and I, for one, am tired of people saying things like, “Well, they always start well, but…” or “It’s early in the season, let’s see if they can sustain…” and all the other doom and gloom.  Let’s just enjoy the moment, and feel good about our team.  Who cares about next week, next month, or after the All-Star Break? right now, the Orioles are winners, playing like winners, and I have always believed that nothing succeeds like success.

Ok, so I’m not a TRUE Luddite.  I embrace technology.  Let’s face it–you have to. The world won’t wait for you to catch up to it.  I actually like a lot of technology.  That being said, I find it alarming that there have been reports of school boards who question the need of teaching penmanship in schools, since all the kids are using keyboards (of one type or another), and that writing with pens and pencils will soon become a thing of the past.

Seriously.  Someone actually suggested that.

I remember the time in elementary school when we graduated from the gigantic blue pencils (that had no erasers) and the light brown paper with blue lines and chunks of wood sticking out of it to fountain pens and real “loose-leaf” paper.  We were now big kids.  It was a special thing, and from that time, I have always loved writing with a fountain pen.

There is something special about a fountain pen.  Every one is different, and they adjust to your style of writing.  A fine tip in a Parker is different from a fine tip in a Waterman or Mont Blanc.  You actually have to “break in” a fountain pen.  Sometimes a new one will feel rough on the page, and after writing with it for a while, it smooths out and is perfect.  I love the ritual of filling the pen, as well.  The whole experience forces one to slow down, and think about what you are doing.  With a fountain pen, you must be conscious of what you are doing, maintaining consistent pressure on the page, and a consistent angle of pen to paper.  You can’t use a fountain pen very well if you don’t know the proper way to hold a pen.  Have you ever seen the way some of the young people working in stores or elsewhere hold pens?  It’s kind of frightening.  Where did they learn this?

Using a fountain pen reminds me of a time when sitting down to write something was important enough to slow down and think about what you were doing.  Of a time when things might have been slower, but they were more elegant and artistic.  And it was part of our everyday lives, which we took for granted then.  I cling to this last vestige of civilization–As long as I still have a fountain pen, I know things are going to be alright.

Now it’s time for some video games.

Broadcasters and engineers somehow manage to survive alongside each other, although they come from two different worlds.  I remember when I was still in the Navy, while assigned to USS NEW JERSEY (BB-62) we had the latest Self-contained Closed-Circuit TV system in the fleet–the “Super-SITE.”  I had a wonderful engineer, a Chief Petty Officer named Dan Wynne.  Well, one day, just for a lark, I ordered a set of  “tweakers” from supply and told each of my journalists to wear one in his shirt pocket.  A “tweaker” is one of those little screwdrivers with a pen clip on it.  It drove Dan crazy.  He couldn’t understand why Journalists and Broadcasters needed “tweakers.”  I would tell him “just in case” and walk away.  Such fun.  Since I was senior to Dan, I got away with it.  Abuse of power?  Maybe, but still fun.

Here at WBJC, we have a fabulous engineer, Bob Lenio.  I think he is the best radio engineer I have worked with in my many years in the field.  He’s a great guy, as well.  But he is an engineer, which means that we are from two different worlds.

Recently, Bob put a new piece of equipment in the studio.  A hand-held device with a lot of buttons on it and a display screen (LCD type).  It’s the new and improved device for conducting EAS (Emergency Alert System) tests.  You know, when we say, “the following is a test…” and a series of irritating sounds come over the air.  FCC requirement.  There are two types of tests, the Weekly and the Monthly.  Bob told us that he was putting together an instruction sheet for the this device, and assured us it would be very easy.  I thought, this will be easy, since there is a big button marked “Weekly Test” on the device.

Well, I’m looking at the instructions, and nowhere does it say “Press the ‘Weekly Test’ Button.”  Nope.  Step one, press the button under the word “week” on the display.  This button is marked “Options.”  It goes on from there.  At no time during the process of conducting a weekly test, does one press the “Weekly Test” button.  I don’t understand it, but I am sure that in some engineering way it all makes perfect sense.  To me, it is like designing a new car, putting a steering wheel in it, but using the shift lever to steer.

I think that somehow, Dan Wynne is involved in this, and it’s all some sinister plot to exact revenge on me for the “Tweaker” incident.  How cruel.  Not fun.

Well, the big lottery drawing has come and gone, and once again, I didn’t win.  That’s OK.  Someone from our state did have the winning numbers, and will split the huge jackpot with 2 others.  That makes it about 213 million bucks each.  Not a bad haul.

I do play the lottery every week.  I know my chances of winning aren’t even slim, but if I don’t buy a ticket, my chances are zero, zip, nada.  What the heck.  Besides, I feel destined to win someday.  Probably the day before I get hit by an asteroid.  But I’ll be a winner!

I do get a kick out of people that tell me they don’t buy lottery tickets until the jackpot gets over 100 million dollars.  Sure I understand that–I mean why bother with a measly 12 million?  You can’t even buy a large executive jet with that.  Save that dollar for the really big bucks.  I’m not making this up–I actually know people who tell me they won’t buy a ticket until the jackpot is over 100 million.  If you don’t want to buy a ticket, just don’t buy one.  But really–you’ll take a chance on 100 million but not on 12 million?  Tell you what:  When I win my 12 million (an I KNOW I will–it’s my destiny),  I’ll buy you a lottery ticket every time the jackpot gets to 100 million.  On me!

I don’t like being on email “mailing lists.”  You know what I mean–when you get an email, usually some old joke or a cute picture of a puppy riding an elephant or something, and the address list is about the length of a Russian novel.  It’s not that I totally object to seeing pictures of puppies riding elephants, or that I am offended by jokes I have probably already heard.  I just don’t like being one of a huge number of people that all get the same thing.  Isn’t it bad enough that we are all being turned into numbers by corporations and government agencies.  Should we be doing this to our friends, as well?  I’m sure that my well-meaning friends who do that on a regular basis certainly don’t mean to  dehumanize me and all the other people on the mailing list.  I’m sure that at one time, it took a conscious, deliberate thought to put me on the list.  After that, however, I just became another name that is part of list “a” or whatever.

I would rather like to think that when I do get a cute picture of a kitten grooming an ostrich or some such thing, that the sender sent it specifically to me, thinking, “I bet Mark would get a kick out of this.”  Perhaps that sounds a bit self-centered, but that’s the way I feel.

The absolute worst, however is when I start getting political messages from my “friends” with mailing lists.  The only time I ever sent out a “mass mailing” was a few years ago, when it seemed that every time I checked my email, I was getting some political information bit from someone.  In my mass mailing, I asked people to remove me from their lists for political messages.  By sending me such messages, they were telling me that they saw me as unable to make an intelligent, informed decision without their help, which, quite frankly, I found insulting.  The response I got was surprisingly positive.  Apparently I was not the only one who tired of the diatribes.

Another election year has arrived, and I am hoping that my message of a few years ago has not been forgotten, but I have a mass mailing ready, just in case.  Don’t look for kittens, puppies, ostriches, elephants, or tree sloths.

We’ve had an unusually mild winter, and I don’t think too many people are complaining.  Oh, every so often I hear someone say, “I really wish we had gotten a nice big snowfall.”  Obviously someone who has never had to replace gutters brought down by heavy snow.

I enjoy watching the local television weather forecasters.  You can see their excitement build when it looks like the weather is going to be particularly severe, and conversely, you can also see the disappointment when their prognostications are wrong.  What a great job–you can be wrong half the time and not get fired.  It’s just a good thing that heart surgeons and air traffic controllers don’t get the same margin of error.  I can’t help but rank meteorology up there with astrology in the hierarchy of exact sciences.  Not that I have anything against astrology.  I do find it amusing that so many people I know read the horoscope in the paper every day, and then tell me they don’t believe it.  A couple of years ago, I read a horoscope for Pisces (my sign, by the way) which said, “an inauspicious time to start a new romantic relationship.” At that time, I had been married to my wife (still married, by the way) for 30 years.  Boy, that horoscope really nailed it.

Hey, I’m not scoffing.  If it works for you, that’s fine by me.  The way I see it, there are a lot of mysteries in the universe, and just because you can’t prove or disprove something, or just because you don’t truly understand it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real or possible.  Maybe some day we will solve the mystery of some of these things, like weather forecasting.

Well, the primaries are in full swing, and the more intense things get, the more we hear the political invective hurled about.  I’ve heard a lot of people say how nasty politicians are, and, of course, whenever that comes up, someone says something like, “It’s not like it used to be.” (See previous blog about “The Good Old Days)

Well, it’s a good thing that it’s not like it used to be.  I would recommend a look at William Safire’s Political Dictionary.  In the section on invective, political, he talks about John Randolph, who was a Representative from Virginia  from 1799 – 1829.  Safire considers him the father of political invective in America.  Of course, political invective can be traced back so much farther–the ancient Greeks and the Romans, most notably.  Back to John Randolph, who, when discussing one Edward Livingstone, who later became Secretary of  State, described him as brilliant and corrupt, saying, “He’s like a rotten mackerel in the moonlight: he shines and stinks.”  Well, if you want to dish it out, you better take it.  Tristram Burgess of Rhode Island, heard a rumor that Randolph was impotent, and felt compelled to say, “I rejoice that the father of lies can never become the father of liars.”  Ouch.

So, when we hear our politicos  tossing the nasties back and forth, remember, it’s all part of a long heritage in politics.

I suppose we all, at one time or another, have said something like, “Well, I remember when we didn’t have cell phones, and we did just fine.”  You know you have–so have I.  And I think that the number of times one says something like that increases with every year of age.  Nothing scientific–just the way I see it.  The fact is, we DID do fine without them (cell phones, et. al.) largely because we never even thought them possible.  I’m sure that 50 years from now, people will all be addicted to some new form of technology, and you will hear people say, “Well, I remember when we didn’t have…”  It’s interesting, but when the telephone was new, there were a lot of people in America who said, “What do we need THAT for?  The telegraph works just fine.  Besides, I don’t want some box in my house ringing bells at all hours.”  There were also some people (believe it or not) who resisted automobiles, thinking they were a passing fad, and nothing will ever replace a good horse and buggy.  Have you ever heard someone say we’d be better off if we were still using horses and buggies?  Well, in the 1800’s, there was so much horse manure in the streets of London, that it became known as “London mud.”  I’m sure it was very fragrant.

I have a friend (we all have at least one like this) who adamantly refuses to get a computer, cell phone, cable TV, or even voice mail (or an answering machine, if they still make those).  Of course, he is constantly complaining that “all those computer people” are leaving people like him behind.  He’s always complaining that it’s hard to do anything without a computer.  The fact is, like it or not, the world isn’t going to slow down to wait for people like my friend to catch up.  I laugh when he says he’s too old for that stuff, when I have other friends in the 80’s and even 90’s who embrace new technology.

None of this doesn’t mean I won’t wax nostalgic about the time when people weren’t always texting or talking on cell phones, or back when we only had 3 channels, etc.  I will, even though nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.